Monday, April 20, 2009

Tune in, Turn on, Drop out...

I am sitting here, too late at night, a little sad to admit that, once again, I am a drop-out.
Although I don't think its quite as terrible thing as it was the three times I dropped out of Varsity. I must be the only person I know who took ten years to get a BA. I like to say I took the scenic route. I took a lot of other stuff too but that's a whole different posting...
In January I started a part-time diploma course in Waldorf Teaching. I have wanted to be a Waldorf Teacher for as long as I can remember... well no I lie I remember clearly that it was since I was au pairing three little boys who were being home schooled (by me I guess) on an intentional community farm. Their mother handed me a pile of books on Waldorf education and Rudolf Steiner and disappeared in a cloud of dust only to return on weekends. Fortunately spending whole mornings wading up rivers and jumping off waterfalls, afternoons baking odd looking bread shapes and evenings round the fire making up stories seemed to fall pretty well into the Kindergarten curriculum.
My twenty something mind was blown (more) by the lectures given by Steiner on education and child development. From there I went on to read bits of his other (very heady) writing on Spiritual Science, and even though I question(ed) a lot of what he had to say he seems to have looked at and questioned and deepened every aspect of life that has interested me since. From children to food production to drama to social order to spiritual development - Dr Steiner has examined it all and has some pretty interesting things to say on all of them.
And so when I was given the opportunity to study I thought it was a dream come true.
And it was.
Only thing is that these days I have two little dreams that didn't like the idea of mommy going to school two or three times a week. Really didn't like. Really. Especially when I 'go to school' to work five days a week anyway. And I realised that even when I was home needing to do loads of self study meant that a lot of mommy duties got neglected. Ratty's cage really honks.
It took a while for me to accept that even though I was going to need to release a dream I have gained a new one. To be a wonderful mother and raise two wonderful daughters. Which shouldn't be hard when I think of what I've been given to work with.